Today I want to open up with you all and share my heart. I have kept this a secret for almost 3 years now, and I finally feel ready to share. Thanks to some dear friends of mine who encouraged me to allow others to help me and to walk along side of me during this journey.
You see, for the past three years we have struggled with infertility.
When I came off of birth control in 2010, I never had a cycle. Some women would be throwing a party with this news, but it stinks when you want to start a family.
I have seen specialists and tried everything. Long story short, my body doesn’t produce hormones. Nice right?
No hormones + No cycle = No Babies
I have gone through all the stages of grief. Now, I’m working my way towards acceptance. That’s the hardest one. I am slowing accepting that even though it is going to take time for my body to heal and get back to “normal”, God has a plan in this.
For the longest time, I wouldn’t tell anyone my story. I didn’t want people to know that we struggled with infertility. In fact, I wouldn’t even use the word “infertile”. Pretty sure I was in denial.
So why publicize it to the world on my blog?
Good question. Now, I want to share. I want to tell people, because I know that God has allowed for this situation to happen. Why? I have no idea. However, I know that I want to use it to glorify HIM and not wallow.
I want to help other people who are going through infertility. I also want to take the stigma away from infertility. So many people deal with it and yet it isn’t talked about enough.
As you all know, my husband is in the ministry. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not asked when we are going to have children. Especially since we have been married for over 5 years. I don’t know how many times I’ve bit my lip when I wanted to scream out…. HAVING BABIES ISN’T AS EASY AS GOING TO WALMART! However, I’m coming to realize that it isn’t their fault. There just needs to be more awareness on infertility.
This isn’t an easy road to travel, especially when a lot of my friends are having children. It’s hard to smile and celebrate with others when you are dying on the inside. However, I take comfort in the fact that the God of all creation has a plan.
Do I know if I will ever be able to have biological children? No.
Do I know if I will ever be a mother? Without a doubt.
I’m sure you all will have lots of questions and there is 3 years worth of gaps to fill in. However, I just wanted to open up the conversation. I wanted to come clean per say and let you all know what’s going on in my life. I’ll go more into our plans and what I’m doing to treat my hormones in another post.
This is a very fragile subject, and I’ll be honest…I’m fragile.
I like to be the one that has it all together, but I don’t. I’m a fixer, but I can’t fix this.
I want you all to know that this is a very scary thing for me to publish, but if it helps just one person- it is worth it.
If you struggle with infertility, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. I felt so alone for way too long. Please feel free to email me at delightsanddelectables (@) gmail.com.
I would love to answer any of your questions. Please be kind in your comments here.